_____ The Darkest Side ______

When I was born I used to think that I was dropped by the angels on mother's lap like a gift from God (yeah then I grew up and find out this theory of mine was really wrong). I used to think that my life is gonna be just like a colorful rainbow, colorful, bright and with happiness only where the sadness will not exist but let's get real our life is not a fairytale land with candies, clouds or unicorns, in fact, it comes with bitterness.

      You may be thinking right now that I might have a bitter life, Well I used to think that too but it was my way of seeing it. Let me tell you what I mean, I am a person who had an amazing childhood; nothing to worry about, nothing to complain about but childhood ends sometime and then everybody had to face the realities .... "realities of life" and I did too. How I met my realities? could be by failing or maybe by losing someone special or maybe by not achieving my lifetime aim. All of 'em sucks pretty bad. When I lost someone special, I can't think of anything and everything around me is so quiet and so unhappy that it starts killing me inside. And when all my life I made an aim 'a goal' which matters a lot and when the time comes I didn't achieve it even I have worked so hard for it may be more than anyone around me because maybe I wanted it the most but in the end I don't get it and it feels like my brain is just gonna blow up and my heart is gonna burst into millions of pieces and  its not fair because I was working on this whole life, this was the only thing I could think of.

     But know what should I do? What can I do? what I am capable of? I have no idea, no clue at all. I can't find myself anywhere because whenever I open my eyes I found myself in the middle of nowhere. All I can see is darkness, no lights and no one and when I try to hear something or someone there is absolutely nothing. I close my eyes and open them again that maybe now I can see something that can take me out of this darkness.and also like I can't breathe Sometimes I want to shout but I know no one can hear me. The pain becomes easy to endure when somebody is around you, it becomes easy to stand up and walk. But what if you don't have anyone. Yeah, I have thousands of people around me every day and have hundreds of friends but if no one can help me. I am a crying river of tears but no one is there to wipe them off. I share everything that what I am going through but its like no one is listening like they don't know from what I am going through because they don't understand.

    So what should I do? I have responsibilities, I can't do them.so what should I do? yeah, I can turn this darkness into permanent darkness and this silence into permanent silence. Or maybe I can run away. I know we do get this kind of thoughts when we go through the toughest times of our life BUT this is the worse way to face any situation. I know I am not a good writer or a best motivational speaker but I can say this that whatever you are facing right now is not permanent. It is only temporary. We are human beings and emotions do get us but we are a human being that is why we can fight them too. I remember I read this sentence in the chapter of reproduction (I know it is way opposite of what I am talking about)but what I read can totally relate which was "only the competitive and healthiest person reach to this point"(biology book). Here competition doesn't mean to fight someone in the wrestling or something but the person who can overcome his fears and able to take control of his situation is the one able to reach this point. I have seen many people especially teenagers rather than taking control love to hug death and it is sad watching them wasting their precious life.

         I have this book about the attitude which I am reading these days by SAM GLENN. This book really made my views clear. We human beings just see one side of the situation especially at the worse time which ends up depressing us. Every person is capable of something, something good. We just have to take it out from our inner selves rather than staying in the dark. Life can be really beautiful Actually it is beautiful we just don't see it.
                                            "To me, life is just like a candy, when you  put in your mouth you will find that its a kind of bitter or sour ;) but  it gets sweeter before you realize it "
 God made us perfect and did send us with challenges but without those challenges, our lives will be dull. This is a temporary life and we will return to dust if not today maybe tomorrow and in the end, we will have plenty of time to see darkness. To get the sweet taste you have to go through the sour or bitter part. So will I welcome darkness in my life,,, I don't think so. This life is a stage, a stage to show how strong you are. If I will give up today I'll never know what I am capable of. And to break through this dark I have to create light in myself which I can create by having hope, by having believed in myself, and when I will have little hope I will see the light and I will take the hand of light and I'll try my hardest not let go. Because I am a warrior (a fighter ) and I'll not lose.What about you?

                  So let's find what we are capable of and how strong we are.

Whoever is going through this situation I'll pray that you become strong to face your situation and find what you are capable of.
                                                       Love you guys. Be safe.
                                                         
                                                                ***bubye***